ambition
excerpt from a letter to Vanessa, October 1999

You asked me what I'm going to do now that I've quit my job.
People keep asking me that, so I thought I'd make myself a list...

On Friday I'm going to spend all day at the library.
On Saturday I'm going to play Monopoly all afternoon, and Risk all evening,
    and Spades until midnight.
And after everyone leaves, I'm going to play computer games until dawn.
On Sunday I'm going to watch the sunrise.

On weekdays I'm going to sleep until noon.
On weekends I'm going to walk the dish.

In January I'm going to get a new computer and install Windows 2000.
In February I'm going to get a camera and take pictures of my friends.
In March I'm going to buy a scanner and digitize my grandmother's photos.
In April I'm going to buy a kayak and paddle across the bay.

I'm going to get outdoors for at least an hour every day.
I'm going to floss my teeth every evening.
I'm going to read my book club book each month.
I'm going to do my taxes early.  

I'm going to listen to NPR more often.
I'm going to go to lectures at Kepler's and Stanford and Xerox PARC.
I'm going to join the World Affairs Council and the Commonwealth Club of California.
I'm going to subscribe to the Economist, and Scientific American, and the Atlantic Monthly.
And secretly, I'm going to subscribe to Wired too, but I'm going to use my roommate's name.

I am going to buy a bed and a sofa and a dresser.
I am going to put up curtains.
I am going to paint the kitchen.

I'm going to update my web site, and add photos and stories and letters.
I'm going to exercise and lose 25 pounds.
I'm going to take classes in nutrition and speed-reading and massage.
I'm going to read my grandmother's novel.

I'm going to answer personal ads, and write poems to strangers, and auction myself on e-bay.
I'm going to date dykes and drag queens and domestic policy analysts.
I'm going to fall in love.

I'm going to go to the matinee showings of South Park II, and Alien V, and Star Trek X.
I'm going to fix my rickshaw and give people rides up and down University Avenue.
I'm going to open a donor advised fund and give some money away.

I am going to send out little cards that announce the fruition of my reproductive
    decisions -- "It's a...   vasectomy!"
I am going to make bizarre and frighteningly elaborate Halloween costumes.
I am going to bicycle to Kansas to visit my mom.

I'm going to write proposals about PriorArt.org, and Milli-Micro-World, and FreeState One.
I'm going to make board games that teach high school kids about STDs.
I'm going to get a CAD program and design fantastic cities.
I'm going to write children’s books about acid and mushrooms and ecstasy.
I'm going to invite all my friends to come read poetry aloud in my back yard.

I'm going to accept the free ticket in exchange for giving up my seat on this flight.
I'm going to take Caltrain all the way to Gilroy.
I'm going to hold the door open for old ladies.
I'm going to have a glass of wine at lunch. Or maybe two.  

I'm going to build an airship to bring to Burning Man.
I'm going to write pornography to send to the Pope.
I'm going to write a novel about a guppy named Horace.  

I'm going to travel by freighter to Australia.
I'm going to walk across the continent of Africa, from Morocco to Mozambique.
I'm going to go search for Atlantis.  

And I am never, ever, ever, going to mow the lawn.

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